It’s funny how everyone has advice for new couples. Here are 20 things that I think every couple should know that I’ve learned already or believe to be true.

1. Say “I love you” at every opportunity.
2. Never threaten divorce. Ever. It’s not even funny as a joke.
3. If it bugs you, say something. Then let it go.
4. Screw the cynics. Yes, marriage stats say 50% fail. That means there’s another 50% that stay together. Chances are, you know a happily married couple.
5. Just because a couple is happily married, doesn’t mean they’re newlyweds.
6. Marriages take work, but loving someone easy.
7. Your spouse will do things that you’d love to tell your friends, but sometimes you have to respect your spouse enough not to share all.
8. Your family might be your biggest supporters, but sometimes they can create the most stress. (You’ll get your grandchildren when we’re ready, damn it!)
9. Sometimes you need to go to bed mad, but take the time to figure it out in the morning.
10. I’m sorry is a necessary phrase in your vocabulary, but sometimes it sucks saying it.
11. Little things matter. Big things matter more.
12. Making your spouse’s day may make yours.
13. There’s nothing worse than seeing someone you love hurting when there’s nothing you can do to make it better.
14. Fight fair. No name calling. No screaming. No threatening. Talk about the problem and what you think could make it right.
15. Trust each other, and don’t give the other person a reason not to trust you.
16. Work hard. Play hard. Enjoy doing both of these together. (This doesn’t mean you have to work at the same place.)
17. Respect boundaries.
18. You won’t always share the same values, but respecting each other’s values is critical.
19. Have hobbies you enjoy together and others that you do on your own.
20. Be happy with today. You can plan for the future, but don’t obsess over it or wish away time.

Of course I’m concerned. I have family that lives in that area. I grew up there. Friends live there. Do I want them in the path of a sex offender? Definitely not.

Here’s what I find interesting about the whole thing: the comments on the articles and on my Facebook, all seem to reflect a crazy mob mentality. They don’t seem to reflect actual facts.

In MN, the level of offender is based on a formula. Not surprising, he scored high enough to be a level three offender. However, I’m disappointed in the public’s response. Despite their shock and alarm over an offender moving into the area, it doesn’t seem like people are doing their due diligence to appropriately remedy or adequately inform themselves on the situation.

For example, many are making comments about protecting kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’d make sure mine would stay away from him too, but a quick search told me that he didn’t commit a crime against children. According to the MN Department of Corrections, he “engaged in sexual contact with victim (adult female) and held her against her will. Contact included restraining victim and pulling her to the ground. Offender gained access to victim by approaching her in a public park. Offender was not known to victim.”

So how are people reacting? The mob has ensued. People have made tough-guy comments about harming him, cried out against the system for allowing his release and even suggested that he should be moved to another city. But does any of this solve anything?

Here’s what I think should happen. The community needs to attend the public hearing. Get the facts. Find out what they can about him, where he’ll be, where he frequents, etc.

Then they need to act. Start by doing the things that they SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAY: locking their doors at night (it’s a small town, many don’t,) don’t walk alone after dark, inform people of where they’re going and when they plan to return, only take familiar routes, etc.

Second, understand the formula that makes someone a level three sex offender.  The state legislative branch has information on their website that describes the formula used to determine risk of re-offending. Not surprising, a guy planning to be homeless almost couldn’t rank as a level one or two.

And even more importantly, the community needs to get involved. We have state legislators for a reason. Not one comment on these articles has suggested contacting a legislative official and pointing out the loophole in sex offender registration. As I finish this post, my next step will be to contact my local and state representatives. Hopefully, I can encourage action in the next legislative session that will close this gap.

Finally, I think that an issue like this bears political considerations. On one hand, we want to lock a dangerous person up indefinitely. But on the other hand, we want our taxes kept low. Can we keep taxes low and keep people locked up? If they aren’t locked up, do we have the resources to keep the public safe? A situation like this should make you assess your political affiliations and make you prioritize accordingly. I’m not saying you should be a DFL-er or a Republican or an Independent or a Green Party supporter. But using a “real life” experience to assess your political views should help shape the way you vote.

That’s what separates me from “Generation X.” Instead, I’m considered a part of a generation that is generally making a bad name for itself.

Damn it, I’m a millennial.

On the one hand, I grew up with computers and encyclopedias. I remember writing down my notes from the encyclopedia for my 3rd grade “research paper” on pandas on notecards. I can remember the days when you used multiple search engines to do your research and came up with very different results depending on which one you used. (My favorite was Dogpile because it aggregated results from multiple search engines.) As far as learning goes, I think I received the best of both worlds by having to learn with and without the assistance of technology.

But fellow millennials, we need to knock a few of our cohorts upside the head. People are out there making us look bad.

I’ve heard and seen a few horror stories. I recall catching an intern doing her homework once at a previous job instead of the work that we desperately needed to get done. (WTF?) I’ve even seen the entitlement in some friends. (No dear, life will be just fine if your parents don’t pony up for your princess dream wedding.)

But when I read this article from Twin Cities Business, I nearly flipped a gasket:

Anne, a seasoned HR manager at a large manufacturing company, welcomed Justin, a new hire fresh out of college, for his first day of work. She gave him a tour of the office, got him settled in at his desk, and told him when and where his orientation session would start later that morning. Then Anne went back to her own desk to work, and just as she was digging into the accumulation in her inbox, the phone rang.

It was Justin’s mom. She wanted to thank Anne for giving Justin his first job and also offer some advice about how to manage him.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING HERE????

Let’s presume Justin is unaware of mommy-dearest’s actions.

Seriously, Mom? Justin needs to be a grown up now. If he didn’t leave home to go to college, he’s certainly stepping into the adult world now. You are doing your son no favors by telling his company how to manage him. The helicopter-mom act is only exasberating the bad name of the millennials and adding to the sense of dependency and entitlement. If never forced to be on his own and take personal responsibility, he’ll never be on his own.

This article is only online in part. The rest is also a must-read. The full version goes on to describe parents who want to review their child’s benefit package to help them make an informed decision regarding their employment offer, interns not being satisfied with less-than-meaningful work, etc.

In fairness, I firmly believe that the parents are as much to blame for this situation as the millennial. No one forced you to make that phone call. (I’m not even sure that they would be ok with it, but that’s a separate issue.) But parents, sometimes, your kid needs to screw up. Even more important: YOUR KID ISN’T PERFECT. Life might be tough sometimes. This is one of life’s greatest learning experiences.

But millennials, take some responsibility. Pay for your own cell phone. Buy your own car. Work your own way through college. And for the sake of all of us, DON’T LET YOUR FAMILY DO ALL THE WORK FOR YOU!

I know I mentioned in a previous post that I had help from family. I asked for connections. No one wrote the letter for me. My family didn’t coach the interviewer, nor did they encourage my hire. A family member sent an email out saying, “Hey, Rachel Jean is looking for a job. If you might have an opening that fits her, you can contact her directly.” I still applied and intervied like everyone else. I firmly believe that I didn’t get any special treatment in the hiring process. (The contact at the business that hired me didn’t know me and wasn’t a part of the interview process. She simply told me where the opening was and who to address in my cover letter.)

I see this everywhere. I believe it. Millennials are expecting more and asking for more help. If you want more responsibility earlier, fine. Earn it. Have some drive. Do it yourself.

And if you have a hovering parent, do whatever it takes to land the helicopter.

Sung by Lee Brice
Written By Doug Johnson and Tim James

They called him crazy when they started out
Said seventeen’s too young to know what loves about
They’ve been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yeah that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he’ll say pull up a seat
It’ll only take a minute, to tell you everything

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin’ knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when he quit his job
Said them home computers, boy they’ll never take off
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft
They paid like crazy

Just ask him how he made it
He’ll tell you faith and sweat

And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get too old to call her baby
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when they started out
They’ve been together fifty-eight years now

Ain’t that crazy?

Every time I listen to this song, I fall more in love with it. It resonates with me.

Pat can best be described as the “hippest 62-year-old woman I’ve ever met.” Even better, she has an endless sense of optimism that’s downright admirable.

Like myself, Pat was laid off from our previous employer. She was there a bit longer, but not much. While we’re both glad to be out of the craziness, she hasn’t found a new opportunity yet. But if you think for a second she’d even be slightly depressed, think again.

“I can’t believe I’ve been out of work for 45 days! But Rachel, being laid off in the summer isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’ve been out walking around the late, exercising more, visiting friends and enjoying the warm weather!” (Not to say she hasn’t been looking for jobs too, but you can only send out resumes for so many hours in a day!) But is it all fun and games, well no, but she accentuates the positive. And like I did, she’s found outlets that remind her that life is still good and there’s plenty to be thankful for having.

We talked about my job and how I found it, exchanged ideas and really just enjoyed catching up. I’m confident that whatever organization snags Pat, they’ll be impressed.

“I know I’ll find a job. I’m conscientious. I’m a hard worker, and I’m a darn fun person to work with! I’m sure I’ll find a company that works hard but has fun while they do it.”

It’s this sense of optimism and zest for life that made her one of the best supervisors I’ve ever had and a joy to know personally.

PS If you’re looking for someone to inspire your team, I have the ultimate candidate you must meet… actually… I have 3!

It seems that little, seemingly innocuous decisions can make a major impact down the road – although it may be unseen.

Let me explain my thinking here…

Take your ornery, hormonal high school student who thinks school is a waste of time. He or she doesn’t study. Maybe s/he gets passing grades but doesn’t do anything to go above and beyond.

What are the chances of this student getting into college? Average at best. An ivy league school? Forget it.

Let’s say this student finds the motivation (possibly parent-induced) to attend a state university. If the same attitude towards school continues, will he or she likely attend class? Probably not. Likely pass? Significantly less likely.

Economic stability is highly related to education. Who earns the least? The under-educated. Who’s the most secure? The highly educated. Don’t believe me? Check out this PDF on education, salaries and job outlooks from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics.

My point: even a small decision – skipping class – can add up. Skip enough classes, your grades suffer. Drop out of school = limit your job opportunities.

Does that mean that you can’t make  a great salary without a great education? No, but your choices will be limited. Chances are, in order to earn the same salary as a person with a master’s degree, a high school grad would have to take a job with at least some of these characteristics: more hours, shift work/late hours, high-risk work, unhealthy work environments, lower-level positions, more labor-intensive, etc.

This may be ok for some, but it’s definitely not for all. To be quite frank, I’d rather attend a class that I’m paying for, than later have to perform a high-risk job for the same pay as a person with a degree in the field I was studying.

Or maybe your choice has nothing to do with education…

Do you move to a town with a better paying job, or do you stay close to the family? Do you take a risk working for a start-up company with no benefits or stay in a stable job? Do you stay home to raise your family or continue to work and potentially advance in your career?

We may not know the impact of these decisions immediately, but I think they catch up with us sooner or later.

Good, bad or otherwise, we all make choices. We live with them. Sometimes they work out for the best. Other times, we struggle as a result.

Live and learn, right?

I respect their opinions. I’m glad they spoke up. I agree with some of what they said, but disagree with other parts. But ultimately, how boring would life be if we all agreed on everything, right?

I agree that working to support your family is honorable. I also agree that working in a job that isn’t glamorous is often a necessity, especially in economic downturn. But I think everyone has a choice in the work they do. They have a choice on whether or not they can be passionate about what they do. I don’t think you’re job has to give you a feeling of making the world a better place, but I do think you have to be passionate to be successful in the long term.

My dad is a great example of this. As a prison lieutenant, his job is far from one that generates warm fuzzies. He often jokes that people get work releases from jail, but he gets releases to go home. He’s moved up through the rank over the years, but generally, he worked to bring home a decent paycheck. But, I don’t think his passion for his work came in his paycheck. Instead, you’ll find that when he talks about his job, he’s proud of the respect that he’s commanded and the impact he’s made to the system he works for. He’s written policies, created training programs, built successful programs, etc. Those things drive him to be a little bit more passionate about the work he does. While ultimately, he started this career to bring home a paycheck, he found a way to make more of it.

One of my good friends, an expert in career development, once said to me, “If you’re doing what you’re passionate about, the money will follow.” I believe this whole-heartedly. If you love what you do, people are drawn to you. If you love fixing cars, chances are, you’ll become pretty good at it. From there, it’s only a matter of time before people start bringing you their vehicles for oil changes and new starters. If you love crunching numbers, you could eventually find yourself managing the accounting department for an organization.

It doesn’t matter if the job leaves warm fuzzies. You just have to be passionate about it. We spend about a third of our life at work. Yes, work supports us so we can go out and really LIVE our lives, but is it worth spending a third of your life doing something that you don’t enjoy?

I posed this question because I’m facinated by it.

For me, I’m driven by the impact I make. I want to be able to look back on my career and say, “Wow. Look at all the people I’ve helped. Looked at what we accomplished.” Don’t get me wrong, I definitely want to move up in my career, support my family and be great at what I do, but to me, that means nothing if it doesn’t do something for someone else.

When talking to our HR Director one day, we joked about how nonprofits get a lot of “save the world” applicants. They want to make the world better for someone or something else. It’s clearly what drives them to do the work they do. I think the same can be said for doctors, nurses, teachers, clergy, etc. They’re driven to succeed by bringing other people up with them. It’s admirable.

It may seem strange that someone driven to help would be attracted to marketing. After all, it’s more or less an office job. I’m not necessarily down in the trenches actually teaching a person to read or healing an illness, but I still feel the impact I make. For me, marketing and communications is a critical part of the success of the “help” because someone needs to tell the story. How do we know about the genocide in Darfur? We read it in the newspaper or heard about it on TV. Where did you first hear about that nonprofit you volunteer for once a month? Chances are, you saw it on a website, read about it in a news article, saw something on TV, etc. Marketing is an opportunity to rally people behind a cause. It’s a chance for me to say, “Hey, that slang comment you made is wrong, and this is why.” It’s a chance for me to educate and activate people.

I’m driven by the impact I make: advocating people and creating change. Getting paid to do it is a bonus.

For the people honored, a little recognition went a long way. All the crew members were presented with paper awards and pins that replicated a larger award to be displayed at the courthouse. You couldn’t have quelled their energy if you tried (but why whould you?) They were on top of the world just because some agency that they may or may not recognize told them they did a good job.

While I realize that recognition is actually a critical component of job satisfaction for some, I don’t think it was a major driver for any of the people in that crew. It was definitely appreciated, but for the crew that cleans the Saint Paul Courthouse (and our other janitorial/mailroom/remodeling crews), I think they work to feel like they have something to contribute (and they do!) Mental illness often brings out many forms of dependency on other people: people that monitor mental health, adjust medications, teach coping skills, etc. But by working, they don’t have to be dependent on someone else for a paycheck. For some people, a job may make them feel locked up, but for our staff, it’s freeing. We have people that eventually have to leave our program for one reason or another, but many still try to keep their job. They WANT to work. I’m amazed. Even as the population of program participants ages, many don’t want to consider retirement. They truly love their jobs. Could you love washing floors and scrubbing toilets every day for thirty years or more?

I don’t think people who work for money will ever be satisfied. If you strictly work to support a family and or bring home a paycheck, you’ll always wish you had more. Agree? Disagree? I’d love to know what you think. What drives you? Recognition? Status? Making a difference? Reaching a certain goal? Moving up?

• I’ve eaten way more vegetables this week than normal.
• My breakfasts are much healthier.
• I’ve stayed away from the donuts and treats left in the lunchroom or brought to meetings (occasionally, this one has been a toughy.)
• I’ve done significantly more cooking using “real foods”.
• I’ve had no alcohol (despite being invited out at least two different times)
• I’ve gone to the gym almost every day, and I’ve made sure to get at least 20-30 mins of physical activity every day. (Trying to come up with something to do besides go to the gym on a rainy day is TOUGH! I’m open to anyone’s ideas here.)
• I’ve watched no more TV than I spend exercising in a day (and the exercise happens first).

As a bonus, since I was trying to incorporate more veggies into my diet, I’ve come up with some AWESOME new recipes from my cookbooks. My favorite cookbook thus far has been the G5 cookbook that came with my George Foreman grill. The recipes are great for summer since they don’t heat up the house, but they’re still healthy and delicious. Ryan’s favorite (and mine) so far was a grilled eggplant panini with rosemary bread. It’s a must try. Want the recipe? I’d be happy to share! Leave me a comment and I’ll send it your way!

The best part of this? I feel great. I’ve lost a few pounds already, and I’m genuinely proud of myself.

So far, so good!